Get Your Toddler to Cooperate!
Preschoolers require more finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, "Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic." (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)
I don't really mind doing the dishes, but I do take exception to doing the dishes, cooking dinner, cleaning up the living room, and making sure the laundry's started. Especially after a 9-hour day at work. So what's the answer? Blackmail, bribery, intimidation? Why not work out a solution that benefits the whole family and encourages everyone to work together?
You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let's look at two situations - first the typical (Titanic) way:
Parent: David! Time to change your diaper.
David: No! (As he runs off)
Parent: Come on honey. It's time to leave, I need to change you.
David: (Giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent: David, this isn't funny. It's getting late. Come here.
David: (Doesn't hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle)
Parent: Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)
David: (Giggles and runs)
Parent: (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this!
(As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running away)
I'm sure you've all been there. By the way, David is my son. Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:
Parent: (Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice)
Hi David! I'm Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!
David: (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!
Parent as Diaper: You're such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?
David: Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as Diaper: How 'bout a nice hug?
David: (Giggles and hugs Diaper)
Parent as Diaper: Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?!
Goody goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he's being changed. Then it says, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes calling you - David! David!
The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and over and over and over. You'll keep thinking, "He's not honestly going to fall for this again?" But he will! Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.
When you've got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little I used this all the time. One day, when he was almost three, we were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand talk to him. He was hugging my hand and looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I love for you to pretend this hand is talking."
Another day, after I had called David to the table for dinner a number of times, he calmly looked up at me, chubby hands on padded hips and said, "Mommy, why don't you have my dinner call to me?"
And suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and called out to David; he ran over to join us at the dinner table.
A variation on this technique is to capitalize on a young child's vivid imagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.
It's delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience by changing a child's focus to fantasy.
“Elizabeth Pantley’s new book is the wake-up call every parent needs, a consciousness-raising journey through the small moments of parenthood. Each chapter uses warmth, compassion, and humor to gently tweak the consciences of even the best parents, and inspire them to raise their children in a more sensitive manner.”
-- William Sears, M.D. from the foreword
(Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group Inc. from Hidden Messages – What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 2001)
About the Author
Parenting educator, Elizabeth Pantley, is the president of Better Beginnings, Inc., a family resource and education company. She is a regular radio show guest and often quoted as a parenting expert in magazines such as Parents, Parenting, Working Mother, Woman's Day, Good Housekeeping and Redbook. She publishes a newsletter, Parent Tips, that is distributed in schools nationwide, and is the author of Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate
Other Articles By Elizabeth Pantley
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